Let’s (Not) Play A Love Game

Before we get into today’s gist, who else can remember the first time they were introduced to Lady Gaga? I remember being constantly amazed at her videos, and super shocked. She was always bold and daring and pushing the envelope. (Also, why is “pushing the envelope” a phrase we use in real life. Who the hell pushes envelopes on a regular day anyway?). 2008 – 2012 was also prime “the Illuminati runs the music industry and they are all leading us to hell time time”, and Lady Gaga might as well have been christened the head demoness in charge. All her videos and albums had the Pentecostals in raptures. What a time!

Anyway this actually has very little to do with Lady Gaga. I just thought of her song while planning this blog post, which is about the “games” and tedious performances we really put ourselves through in the name of love and relationships. Now I know that some of you are going to start wondering if I have something against romantic love, especially after yesterday’s post but I really am not. I actually really like romance you know. My main issue with romantic love, is that it comes with stupidity as a major side effect BUT that’s not what we are talking about … well not exactly. Somehow but not exactly. 

For as long as I have been aware, mating rituals have been a thing, and the older I have gotten, the more complex they seem to get. It’s bizarre what society encourages, and at this point I really think I have to say something for the good of humanity. We cannot continue to evolve and hold on to some of these things. PLEASE! From primary school, the way you are 1 million percent sure x likes y, or x loves y, is often well, somehow (at best).

The championing of pain, discomfort, and irritation as proof of love is at best insane. Think of some of the things people love to blather on about as proof of affection. I’ll use my frame of reference, which is this 99% ghetto ass city of Lagos, Nigeria. Why would you calculate affection as someone’s continued willingness to sit in traffic to see you? Why is it spending money they can barely afford? Why oh why is it being in pain, in discomfort, etc that affirms their affection for you? As I’m writing it in black and white you feel somehow right? You’re frantically looking for holes in my argument (there are many) but relax in your wickedness first. 

The championing of pain, discomfort, and irritation as proof of love is at best insane. Think of some of the things people love to blather on about as proof of affection. I’ll use my frame of reference, which is this 99% ghetto ass city of Lagos, Nigeria. Why would you calculate affection as someone’s continued willingness to sit in traffic to see you? Why is it spending money they can barely afford? Why oh why is it being in pain, in discomfort, etc that affirms their affection for you? As I’m writing it in black and white you feel somehow right? You’re frantically looking for holes in my argument (there are many) but relax in your wickedness first. 

Look, sacrifice and compromise are important. People doing their best to make you feel valued, cherished (this word always makes me laugh, cherish you know), and loved is important. However, I don’t understand why on earth we have always wrapped up these painful/humiliating exercises as love. The person might just be a glutton for pain, with a bizarre enjoyment for suffering. It happens, don’t flatter yourself.

Now let’s accept that the initial romantic advances require a clear “show of affection”. The one that absolutely bursts my brain is when there are mutual feelings, but then there are “games”. “If he/she/they really likes me they will walk through fire/ swim through the arctic/fight his friends and family/ go on hunger strike and be in a constant state of agitation to prove this affection.

We all partake in this nonsense on some level, insisting that affection must be forged by fire and proven in its discomfort. But why? Jesus already died and proved his love with immense pain, ending in his death (and most of you are still ungrateful oh) and yet that is not enough for you people. You still want to torture people. Think about it honestly. Are you not ashamed? 

Anyway, that’s my chat for the day. This thing we do, does not make sense.

Love should be calm. Light. Fluffy. Like excellent amala. Don’t let it get hard and lumpy, only useful for stoning irritants. 

What are some bizarre things you believe(d) show that affection is true and love is strong? I want to shake my head and laugh at you guys. 

25 Comments

  • Nkay

    Tbh, when I reflect on what bizarre expectations of love I had, I really cannot think of any. I hate the games we play when it comes to actually showing affection. Why can't you just tell a person how you feel, communicate honestly and often, enjoy the little things of your love and live life? Why do we attach the extra of suffering to love? I am always of the opinion that we make things hard for ourselves especially in situations that we can control. I mean men sha deserve to sit in traffic for their wickedness though!

  • Nonye

    God should just have mercy on me. This relationship thing looks tuff.

    • Cherry blossom

      Thank God, I am not the only one. The last relationship I was in was really exhausting. It is really hard and I have decided to stay away from it. When I hear how people describe "romantic love" it sounds like suffering .

  • Ada

    I've never believed love should be hard TBH. Maybe that's why I always met men who were used to wickedness and wanted wickedness, and when they don't see it, start to misbehave.

  • Sharon Rotimi

    This has made me look at love from another perspective. No jokes, one of the reasons I’ve stayed away from romantic love is ‘too much stress, too much work’, because when I often think of it, I think of the several hurdles I might have to jump over because I want to love one human... mehn.

  • Olasumbo

    I believe people should practice what they preach more, no need running mouth like tap water rather put words to action - be thoughtful, be each other’s cheerleader, be considerate & respect each others space. Thats it for me.

  • Olanrewaju

    This idea of making your partner choose between you and something else that you KNOW they clearly love; be it a hobby, friend, or even family never sat right with me. Why would you make them choose? Why?????

  • Adebajo Ayobamidele

    I really enjoyed reading this.

  • Y

    Hmm interesting. I see what you’re saying, but I think as someone who loves comfort and a life of leisure more than most things it’s easy to see why someone willing to make themselves uncomfortable for me is extra appreciated. I personally do not allow myself go through discomfort of any kind except God orders it, so if I’m willing to be uncomfortable for anyone I must love them very very much. Being this way makes me see someone else’s willingness to be uncomfortable for me, as love.

  • Ada

    The games are so tiring honestly. Then there are the ones who believe that if ou don't play those games at first you become 'cheap', it's all so wild.

  • Akin

    The irrationality of having to see love rather than feel it.

  • 1creek

    This blog is really black and white. And I really like this font. It makes my comment feel grand. Nice. More please

  • Ebele Molua

    I resonate with that traffic one o. Especially when you’re busy doing island to mainland journey, oh God ! Living in Nigeria already frustrates any romantic relationship tbvh , so finding someone that doesn’t compound that in the way they give or receive affection is where it’s at for me because I am my mothers only child !!

  • Uyi

    I believe that being born Nigerian, you have a propensity for masochism, because all this country gives is pain and we might as well find a little pleasure in it.

  • Egoadaa

    There was a time I thought calling me on Whatsapp was not love enough. Any ways I have repented.

  • Princess

    Love honestly shouldn't be hard.

  • Esther

    After reading this,I just want to cover my face 😩😩

  • Jennifer

    Hmmmmn. 100% agree Jolla. I'll never understand the rationale behind these games we play when we are clearly feeling each other. Beats me.

  • Coco

    To be honest I don't think I have ever expect my partner to suffer to prove their affection. All I ask for is little effort and consideration. Lovely article by the way❤️

  • Mariee

    Yes! This! Someone finally said it! Why do we need to categorise love as pain or suffering? I once asked someone what his definition of love was and he told me "love is sacrifice and when you remove sacrifice, it's no longer love". I wanted to run mad that day. So must i always discomfort myself in the guise of sacrifice, to be in love? It's crazy. And that's where this notion of a "strong" woman comes in. You'll find out that most women that are termed strong have actually suffered because of love. God forbid sha. I've seen the light.

  • Oluwatomilola Affar

    A beautiful read! Thank you. For someone that hasn't been in any relationship because I actually consider it "too much work" than I can handle for now, I agree with everything you have here. I am not one to play games because they have never made sense to me and will never make sense to me. I believe people who want their partners to bend over backwards and make unnecessary sacrifices and compromise for them every single time just to feel reassured, might fail woefully if roles were reversed. They are likely to dismiss it because "I love you and you know it, why should I die to prove it?" Let's love deeply but softly. Let's love sanely too.

  • Mi.

    Ok, this was such a lovely piece!

  • Tish

    "...like excellent amala." Gbam!

  • Maxxie

    Love shouldn't be hard, difficult or stressful tbh. But, there's this thing I see on the SM where there is a challenge/prize for who has the most difficult relationship and someone wants to win the prize. Terrrible. I want to love and be loved in return.

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