Why Friendship Is The GOAT Of Love

There’s a lot of chatter about romantic love. People go on, and on AND ON about it. How and where to find it, how to keep it, pruning it, nurturing it, getting it back, losing it, recognising its understanding it, managing it, portraying it, etc. There are movies, books, seminars, podcasts, ministries, and social media threads about it. I will admit, I am a proud romance connoisseur; books, movies, real-life gushing, I absolutely enjoy all of it (you should see my romance novel collection. I’m shy for myself) However, what I really want to talk about my favourite love ever. The love between friends. The GOAT of love.

In the hierarchy of love, here is how it goes if you ask me (and you did dear, you are on my blog)

  • Romantic love – the head bitch in charge, Everyone rates and want this bad babe, she’s highly sought after with many cheap and close imitations. 
  • Parental/filial love – the honorary mention. The obligatory chairperson. By force attendance. If it doesn’t exist, everyone judges all involved and so it must be performed, effusively. 
  • Friendship love – The real G, the underdog. Ever ignored, forever underrated. My GOAT

Romantic love has so many variables and the most irritating is “the spark”. People have to find this “spark” and maintain the “spark” for the love to be valid. If someone loses “the spark” then the other person has to manage with the loss of this love. Too many margins for error. You also act like an idiot and you can’t help yourself. Things you wouldn’t normally do, you’re suddenly doing. How is this meant to be a good thing? Why do we celebrate temporary insanity? Why are we happy to promote bizarre behaviour. I am not trying to de-campaign romantic love but let us be honest. In black and white, this thing is madness. At best, an illness. Fair, if you are lucky enough (and that’s another issue, it’s one million percent a luck-based thing) to get it absolutely right it is amazing allegedly)

Up next parental/filial love. The most by force babe there is. First of all, do you really have a choice? The person was brought into the world by you or takes care of you when you cannot. Please. You cannot but love, or at least act like you do. Parents are nosy and children are evil but you can’t throw them away because people will judge you so you are stuck there, writing bad poems and declaring very very dramatic emotions.

Now the GOAT. Love between friends. The modest, humble queen, unrecognised but steady in her duty. The thing with friends is that you pick each other, unlike another option I won’t shame here (parental/filial. You don’t need a spark (romance, catch your sub) and more importantly, it’s steady and open. Friends are more likely to know your real face; parents and kids rarely do and romance has you needing to put your best foot forward. Friends pick up the slack of parents, kids and lovers. They know your shame, and will often share in it. Friends make you laugh the loudest and deepest, drag you into your worst scrapes and help create the magic that makes the mundane interesting. Think of the most shameful thing you’ve ever done. Would you rather tell your parents, kids, lover or best friend? EXACTLY

With these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you that love between friends is the best kind of love. Romance has excessive PR and familial love has a strong by-force element. I know some people will want to mention God’s love but don’t be annoying, that’s not what we are talking about.

What is your favourite thing about your friendships? Are you going to try and argue for romantic or familial love? I’d love to hear your weak ass arguments.

96 Comments

  • olafitmi

    I hope I taste this friendship love one day😭

  • Omowaleayo

    Yay!!! I absolutely agree with you. Since I was about 10, I've always seen friendships as everything. For me, friendship is the fire that keeps me going. I argue that if you have good friends, you're set for life. Friends are family. And because you get to truly choose, they're IT. Thanks Jola.

  • Nonye

    There was a time in my life when I was almost desperate for true friends. Now I have them and I couldn't agree with you more.

  • Gaeme

    Not you preaching the gospel sister Jola! Ride on. I was saying yesterday how I wouldn’t have survived this year without my friends. It is one area of life that I did very well in.My friends were designed specially for me and I for them. In the other areas of love you mentioned I fail woefully but with friends? I am a gold medalist. Quite frankly, it’s the way they see me for who I really am and let me be me. There’s levels to it o! But at every level there is a special hand crafted connection is. All I do when it comes to them is to lean into the love. I let myself lean into them and they into me because they are such gifts in my life and all we have is each other.

  • Ehiane

    I agree with everything here! I think the love between friends is magical. My girlfriends mean the world to me. My girlfriends have given me sisterhood. In the same vein, Friendship heartbreaks are also the worst.

  • Czech

    I absolutely agree with you!. My best friend knows me, understands me and shows up for me more than any other person in my life. The kind of love we share is not something either of us can explain. She's definitely my GOAT. PS: I love your blog

  • Anjola

    I've always said this, that genuine friendship relationship is the most beautiful and should be the most glamorised of all relationships, they hold you down if/when a lover leaves, support you during parental insanity, you can 'bitch' to them about your kids and the most insane thing, zero worries of having to 'put your best foot forward' it's always a 'come as you are situation' and judgement free zone.. Honestly they are really the most unsung heroes of all time. I don't know who I will be without my friends and I'm honestly not trying to find out. Somehow we're all traveling similar paths and having someone to relate to makes living just a little easier.. I'm going to hug my friends a little tighter today just because. Thankyou for the reminder.

  • Oluchi Nwaorgu

    My best friend and I were literally talking about this last night, there's true love in friendship (weird that I just realized it,this year) and I'm really grateful and so happy.

  • Oluwatomilola Affar

    I love thissssssssss so much! And yes, it resonates with what I believe in. Thank youuuuuuu Friendship Love is the GOAT!

  • Taiwo

    Hi Jola. I admire the kind of friendship you have. The feminist and audacious friendships. How did you guys meet? If you do not mind sharing.

  • Demilade

    This is why one of my life's missions is to find my soul circle!!!!! Friendship love is so freaking important and underrated. I think that one in a million romantic love you're talking about is the one that has that friendship love in it. P.S soul circle is like soulmate but with friends.

  • Ayo

    My favorite thing about my friendship has to be the comfort that comes with being surrounded by these amazing people.

  • Ayoola

    100% agree with this, because my friends mean the absolute world to me. Mad babes, but mad babes with all the love, humor, empathy and intelligence. They deserve nothing but the best and I really can't imagine my life without them.

  • Miss O

    My first time here and really enjoyed this post. I'll definitely be back. What about best friend AND romantic love? * covers face* No vex o, but that would be my perfect mix. A Gee that I can get married to. God when?!

  • Sika

    I won the friendship lottery consistently. My female friendships have held me down, pushed me up, mentioned my name in important rooms, and kept me sane. Most importantly, they don't hesitate to feed me. There's no greater love than this. Im with you on this.

  • Olatoyosi

    Friendship love is the absolute best! It makes you feel seen, every single time. The gift of blissful friendship, should be celebrated.

  • Nikami

    Friendship love is truly the goat. I’ve been privileged to experience all, friendship love stands tall. I wouldn’t trade my best friend for anything in this world.

  • Boredom

    This is a good read...

  • Londie

    This was an amazing read. Friendship love is really taken for granted and people usually assume it doesn't take much effort but it does (which is not a bad thing). The effort keeps the friendship moving. I know what I wrote doesn't make sense but I hope you understand what I meant. : )

  • Princess

    Friendship heartbreaks are truly the worst.

  • Nike

    I love how in friendships you pick each other. How you’re free to express yourself, the random laughs, sharing moments of life. Everything. They literally see you at your worst, most insecure and vulnerable states and the way friends carry you in those seasons 🥰 Also friendships show you yourself. Because you’re comfortable, you unconsciously show traits of yourself, be it good or bad and in a safe environment, you have the opportunity to do the inner work without judgement because they understand that we all have things to deal with. Can’t fully speak for romantic relationships cause I’m not in one but love and light, Jola. Loved reading this ♥️

  • Gbekeloluwa Aluko

    Loved this so much 😍

  • Kitty

    🤎🤎🤎🤎 The gfs are the realest and I love them terribly

  • Elyon

    You’re so right lol. I like that we get to pick our friends and there’s no pressure to perform. Girl friendships >>>>>>>> I will say though that I’m still learning to build better and deeper connections with my friends because being vulnerable is just not my thingggg yet lol

  • Em

    It’s always interesting that when articles like this are written, there’s little to no mention of sibling love. Is it because it falls in the same category of familial love? But based on this post, I do not think it’s the same. Even though siblings do not choose each other and some (if not most) are cordial at best, siblings who genuinely love each other and have each other’s back are truly magical. With a friend, regardless of how deep their shared experiences are, there’s a tendency that they might evolve and outgrow the friendship- just like with romantic love. But when a sibling (especially a blood sister) has decided that her sibling is her person, it’s almost like a connection that will stand the test of time has been created. Why else do we call our close friends brothers and sisters?

    • Ada

      Yeaa, true. Sibling love is one of the best too, especially when y'all bond so well.

    • Chidiogo

      True..and it's hard to come by, such kind of love is the truest form if you ask me..

  • Luwi

    Lol, Jola!! I love how you write,I read with your podcast voice in my head. And you are right,friendship love is the underdog.

  • Weirdo

    Besides you dragging Romance, Jollz, I absolutely agree with you. Friendship really is THAT BITCH! I haven't thought wide enough about romantic and familial love, but with this, I've done some mild thinking and realized that it's actually true. Thank you for an insightful read 🥺. Looking forward to more 💛💛💛.

  • Chisom

    NGL Jola you are right!! Absolutely right. We often over look friendship love and the joy and happiness it brings to our lives, plus these people see us for who we are and truly accept us just the way we are. Enjoyed reading this, had a good laugh too 😁.

  • Kachi

    This was such a good read and I completely agree love between friends >>>>

  • Tife

    Love this article Jola. I agree with your point of view, Friendship love is the best type of love. It comes with freedom, no judgement, pure vibes. PS; You write so well and i loveee your blog

  • Felicia

    I read the first 3 lines in Jola's voice 😂😂. You are not wrong though, I also think romantic love I over hyped. 🙄🙄

  • Ọmọlàbákẹ́

    Honestly, I totally agree with you. Romantic love is too damn stressful.

    • Ọmọlàbákẹ́

      And overly overrated. It annoys me how people always rank it above true friendship. Fun fact: Romantic love can't survive without a foundation of friendship between both parties. So you see the clownery.

  • Ọmọlàbákẹ́

    Could you please recommend some of your Romance novel collection??

    • Shalewarh

      Friendship is just the best when you find your own true friends. I can and will never trade my girls for anything. They're the best support system I have. Romantic love is overrated please 😭😭😭😭 You see that familial love, haaaaa wahala ti poju. Sometimes I'll just be like can I withdraw from this family but alas, it's not possible. Dear Jola, I'm glad you started this blog ♥️

  • Moyosoreoluwa

    Love love you Jola! I’ve always said/believed that friendship Iove is probably the most beautiful yet so underrated. The thing is Romantic love is much more beautiful when there is a root of friendship love therein. Just my thoughts I Stan the post! And un-stan to Re-stan !

  • Moyosoreoluwa

    Love love you Jola! I’ve always said/believed that friendship Iove is probably the most beautiful yet so underrated. The thing is Romantic love is much more beautiful when there is a root of friendship love therein. Just my thoughts I Stan the post! And un-stan to Re-stan this post!

  • AJ

    I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. 10/10 would absolutely recommend.

  • Sapphire

    Yes, I agree Friendship love is the GOAT. It doesn’t massage your ego nor underestimate your esteem.

  • Hopeless Romantic but too shy to admit

    Well isn't this the most delightful read ever! Got me thinking whether I love my parents for their personality or by force? LOL While I have never experienced true romantic love, this has just confirmed it for me that it is, in fact OVERRATED(unless you get it right right). Also, YES to the luck aspect of romantic love. No one ever mentions it...making it seem like it's our fault we can never find love lol does God see the men that he put on this earth? The ones meant to work hard are now forcing us to split bills? Yuck. Anyway sha, me and my girls, we're good. Until they find their romantic loves and leave me...but like you said, they'll need someone to tell all their shameful acts and I will be here waiting :)

  • Mfonabasi

    I will like to argue for parental/filial love as I just recently became a mom and I’m so overwhelmed by the love I have for the kid. I just hope he returns my love 👀

  • Chidera

    Yes Friendship love is truly the goat of love. But it’s another thing when you end up in the wrong circle of friends.

  • Shalom

    Romantic relationship is the biggest scam ever! True love, soul mates, happiness, joy etc we keep searching for in Romantic relationships, we have in friendships! I find it very odd how we give multiple chances in romantic relationships and little to no chances in our friendships. Shout out to all the friends for holding it down! Weldone Jola for another interesting read😊

  • Pelumii

    The truth in this!!! Love between friends is the best kind of love.

  • Taiwo odutola

    Friendship love is everything for me. It's like a house built with a sure foundation on pure shared values. It's a choice to show up everyday not because i will give you silent treatment or you might get horny. I actually rate my friends more than I do my partners because partners come and go but friendship has stayed for the long run

  • folusho

    The love among friends is the easiest and most comfortable that is why we set it as a standard.... “I want to date someone who is my best friend”. Society constantly advices parents to be their child’s friend. There is a level of trust and ease around it that you will hardly find in any other relationship. Shout out to my best friend Pelly J 💕💕

  • JJ

    Thank you very much, Jola for this. I have a problem with managing intense friendship love. I feel like I won't be able to give off the same level of love they give me and I shy away from it and keep my distance where possible. I know this isn't right but do you have any tips on how to go about this?

  • Wisdom Bartholomew

    Omo, e sweet me to read this thing .

  • Makuachi

    My favorite thing about my friendships, especially with my closest girlfriends is how they look after my heart and actively take care of it.

  • Faith Osas

    How about having that kind of friendship love and finding romance in it....don’t you think that’s the best thing? You get to be yourself and still show your best foot forward.

  • Samuel Umoren

    Another masterpiece from Jola. This is so relatable especially this "Friendship love – The real G, the underdog. Ever ignored, forever underrated."

  • Alake

    I completely agree with ALL of this. Love this piece ❤️

  • Adaeze

    This almost moved me to tears. How beautifully you articulated this. You spoke all the emotions my heart couldnt find words for. Thank you. And yes. Friends are the best.

  • Tee

    I absolutely agree with you though I am yet to experience that deep and long type of friendship but I've had some good connections with people and I can say it really is amazing.

  • Elizabeth

    This is so beautiful and makes me miss my friends a lo♥️

  • Moyosoreoluwa Adetimehin

    i love this and i agree 1,000,000%

  • Radeyo

    Wow, Jola! This has always been my stance. There's a lot of "pretending" that comes with other kinds of love. But with friends you're comfortable to be who you're and do what you want. It's a really special kind of love. This entirely captured my thoughts on this issue.

  • mi Adeniji

    Friendship is probably the most intense thing ever if you're truly friends with a person. Its so beautiful and I wish more people spoke about it

  • Tomi

    Friendship is probably the most intense thing ever if you're truly friends with a person. Its so beautiful and I wish more people spoke about it

  • Nkay

    You didn’t have to disgrace me though😂 I always wanted a romantic love because I felt it was the one thing missing. I think it was during the global lockdown (yes, global) that I really appreciated my girls. We talked about everything and anything. When the most embarrassing happened, I think of them and can’t wait to share. I have no opposing argument but rather support your motion that Friendship is the GOAT of Love.

  • Gbolahan Olayemi

    First, let me point out how much of a beauty your website is. It's responsive and endearing. Inspires, without stress! Now to the immediate post. I do also agree that Friendship is The GOAT. You know, we overlook how much of an anchor it really is in the storms of life, and how fervent, relentless and reckless real friends are. Friends are right there to lift you off ditches - although you may have to endure some harmless mockery for a loooong time. LOL. Favourite portion: "Friends pick up the slack of parents, kids and lovers. They know your shame, and will often share in it." Thanks, Jola! I'll come here often.

  • Ibukunoluwa

    Love you die Jolly!

  • Adaobi

    The absolute truth Jollz! The gift of friendship is underrated. If you find true real friends to call your own in this world of wickedness, evil and pain, you've won. Although I believe I haven't found my tribe yet... I still have many years though so I'm hopeful, if I don't I should at least be a le to find the Romance love. I need one of those two in my lifetime. Parental/filial love is just out of it

  • Oreoluwa

    Amazing piece with a dose of humour (as expected). Totally worth it!

  • Kemi

    This 💜💜💜

  • Oshime

    Loved this so much. Only my friends know my real face and I agree with what you said about romantic love . Why do we celebrate temporary insanity ? 😂😂

  • Yemi

    It is true that romantic love is over focused on. And people hardly ever talk about the love and bond between friends. For women, it can be a challenge sustaining friendships over a long period of time, on the other hand men tend to find it easier to hold on to their friendships over a long period of time. As a woman I know how important it is to have an amazing circle of friends. It's priceless.

  • Ada

    Friendship love is by far the best. They are always there for you to be honest, there when your family annoys you, there when the spark like you said is no longer there between you and your lover. I think friendship love is underrated ngl. I really thank God for the friends I have.

  • Josephina Oji

    A reminder to maintain the pillars which fill in the "gaps". Though i'd be interested to hear your views on those individuals who forcibly insist on your friendship?! Especially for us introverted folk who enjoy the autonomy of deciding our own alone time. They are not bad individuals, but i would rather choose than be guilt-tripped into a relationship. Friendship sometimes seems like the embodiment of emotional cups, being available to be poured into.

  • Victoria

    Friendship is really the GOAT. No cap. Temporary insanity indeed. I've seen the way my friends act "in love". I don't understand why people look at me weird when I say I've never fallen in love even though I'm just 18🤦 This font for commenting is the cutest 🥺

  • Emmanuella U

    Yess the by force element of parental/filial love is so.. by force lmao. Friendship love is the goat, the cow of love! As for the other one, I know not what it is. I'm so grateful for my friendship circle. Small but the best thing that ever happened to me after Jesus(am I being annoying?). This was so well put! It's crazy how someone else can perfectly interpret what you've been thinking but haven't had the words for.

  • BNK

    Beautiful and honest right up! I’m forever grateful for my bestfriend Friendship is really the GOAT

  • Stunna

    This was tooooo good.💗

  • Titoh

    Honestly, friends are the best everrrr. These people don't care about what you think about yourself or your abilities, they're just here to support you unconditionally. I have a lot of friends that I met during different points in my life. I don't talk to a lot of them as much as I would want to but whenever I finally talk to them, I'm reminded of why we're friends. Whenever I start something new or come up with an idea and tell my friends, these people always rush me with praises and I'm like you guys really rate me sometimes more than I rate myself. I normally try to tell them how much I appreciate them and what they mean to me because in the friends lottery I won big time!

    • Titoh

      Also, my immediate + extended family highly rate me. Whenever I tell them I have an exam or I'm doing something they're always like how can we support . It's usually surprising cos I don't even trust myself that much but it has also been a push for me to give my best because I know these people trust me.

  • Jacqueline

    Jola this one really got me ! I wish people would be half as invested in seeking friendships as they are with seeking romantic relationships. People think they’re “incomplete” without that bad bitch but really what they need is a good dose of friendship.

  • Mide

    100% agree. see, your mind >>>>>. friendships are vital; female friendships, essential. thankful for my friends. cheers to more genuine friendships 🥂.

  • Chelsea

    Parental love is the worst because you just can't hate them, I mean they brought you into the world and they take care of you so the least you could do is "love" them

  • Adaora Nwaka

    Couldn’t have agreed less. You know, I have friends and I have friends. There are some that know every damn thing about me, things I can’t even tell my mom. And such friendships can’t be compared to romantic love. Infact, sometimes you get jealous when it seems like they aren’t available at the time you want them. I would never trade the love I have for them for anything. There’s a place for romantic love and there’s a place for friendship love. Both shouldnt be mixed together

  • Jennifer

    Friendship love - so open, zero perfomativeness>>>>> But finding romance and friendship in one person? Top tier!

  • Chimax

    This made me want to call up all my girlfriends and tell them that they are the best and God bless them. Thankfully blessed to have friends.

  • Debs

    Romantic relationships to me are so overrated but when it comes to friendships, I just don't know how people are able to keep friends. How and where do people meet those they call friends because I actually can't really relate

  • Funmi A

    Reading your blog post gave me a renewed reason to actually take a closer look at my friendships. It's beautiful indeed... My favorite thing about my friendships is that they are always looking out for me. I need not say too much they will go over and beyond for me and I so much love it that I get to do the same for them.

  • Daisy

    Where did you keep siblings? My love/relationship with my siblings is by far my best. In this case I'd call them my friends because they are it. The GOAT.

  • Sumbo

    Truth be told friendship love is the realest & truest love one can ever experience & I‘m loving every bit of it. My friend & I will do all crazy things together, although we live in different countries (EU/ US) but we talk everyday & we never get tired of each other. She‘s like the lil sis I never had & it’s the other way around for her too. Our Friendship has lasted longer than any of our relationship 😂😂😂.

  • Deets

    I grew a up without friends. My mom literally had a rule ‘no friends allowed over”. Couple that with me changing schools almost every year cos we moved around a lot, I had no fighting chance with childhood friendships. My first real friendship happened in uni, or at least I wanted it that bad that I dragged it on for years. It ended after girl code was broken. I’m a big introvert so it’s hard to be social. So as much as I crave the warmth and assurance of friendships, I’m starting to make my peace with the fact that not everyone is lucky to have genuine friendship borne out of love and choice

  • Olugee

    Hmmn. I haven't experienced this "kind" of friendship, and tbh I think I am done trying or looking for it. It's can just be unnecessary heartbreak. Right now I get all the love I need from my family, annoying at times but it's steady and reliable.

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