How To Be A Better Friend in 2021

If you’ve followed this blog from the beginning, you’ll know by now that I am a huge friendship evangelist, particularly between women. I truly believe that women need to appreciate into the relationships they very often get the most out of, and rarely ever prioritise. 

When I wrote this post, a sentiment that was popped uo more often that I would like to admit was people distressed about the lack of what they considered close, deep friendships in their lives. The way I see it, building a tribe is mostly trial and error, but one way to get better friends is to well, be a better friend. And to that end, even though you did not ask me, I am creating a guide to being a better friend, in the hopes that that will create stronger bonds between you and their friends and encourage the energy we are all looking for 

Call/message your people: I don’t really like phone-calls, but in the world we live in today they are the easiest way to connect. If you’re not a phone-call lover, it can be stressful but you can keep those to the minimum and instead, do voice notes and lots of instant messages instead. However, you cannot avoid speaking to your friends. There are things messages just don’t capture, like your tone, and that makes it easier to project uncharitable thoughts towards your friends. Talk to them 

Keep a calendar: If you don’t write it down, you will forget. There are too many things to keep track of; birthdays, anniversaries, work events, exams, promotions, break-ups, etc. Just write it down in your calendar and send a thoughtful message or quick voice note. It really does make a difference in terms of how thoughtful you are perceived to be by your friends. As we get older, many people don’t want to seem like they are being whiny or needy, complaining about the things you have forgotten.

Be honest but gentle with feedback: Truth is important between friends, and it can be difficult and painful to hear, so as a friend don’t wield the truth as a sword. You are not trying to hurt your friend or perform your honesty for a crowd, so remember to be kind with your words. “I was just saying the truth” without tact, can veer into disrespect and lead to resentment. 

Share information: It’s not rocket science, and everybody thinks that often means you are putting pressure on people, but let your people know what is going on with you. It’s only in those stupid, irritating movies that “true friends sense when something is going on”. In reality, people are busy and the world does not revolve around you. Keep people updated with good and bad things that are going on in your life. It can be awkward, but sharing with your friends creates bonds. You don’t have to share everything but share some things. 

Hobby Exchanges: You won’t always enjoy the exact same things, but make an effort to do things with your friends that they like. Maybe listening to their type of music or going to a concert, movies, crafting, cooking, sports. Whatever it is, just do your best to connect with them over thing s they love that may not necessarily be your cup of tea

Patronise/hype their businesses or skills: You may not have a need for your friend’s skill set or business, but someone does. Share their hustle, and spread the world. It’s a wonderful feeling to know people are proud of you, and even when work or business is not going well, it’s a boost to now there are people supporting and hyping you.

Show up: At events and for no reason at all. Show up and express. joy, grief, happiness, sadness. And if yu miss a big event, ma

These aren’t incredibly difficult things to do, but we’re all so busy that finding time to do these things makes them difficult.

What are things you think will make your friendships better in 2021?

13 Comments

  • Demsss

    THIS!!! It's like you wrote it for me, lol. I've been struggling with ways to make myself a better friend in order to have better friendships, so thank you! P.S. I don't know if you noticed but the last sentence for "Show up" isn't complete.

  • Debs

    Thank you for calling me out 😫. I'd try so much to be a better friend

    • Roudiyah

      I have the best sets of friends I know this and I'm at peace with it I am just trying to be a better friend to them

  • Shalewarh

    I do everything you listed except the information sharing. I just find it hard most times to tell people my problem but lately at least when 2020 almost crippled me, I learnt to share my problems with my friends and it was really a good experience tho I don't know if I still do it again. Mama Jola, so did Mrs Chimamanda answer your question concerning the both of you getting married?😂😂😂 Love ya ❤️

  • Amanda

    I say this all the time you need to support your friends where they are. You may not need them but the support means alot. I've also had to learn that just because someone comes to you with a problem doesnt mean they want you to give them a solution. They sometimes just want to vent. I really liked this.

  • Victoria

    What do I do when three of my friends are running the same business 😭

  • Sumbo

    Comming through & support is very important.

  • Mariee

    This was just for me. I'll try to call more even though i hate it. Also, I'll try to share my problems with them as much as i can. No one is an island and i shouldn't have to be one. I'll try.

  • Elyon

    Great tips jollz. For me, i think communication will help my friendships in the new year, but we'll see how that goes lol

  • Chi baby

    I'm Shit at communication! I marked my calendar for days I'll check up on my friends.

  • Maxxie

    I'll keep being a better friend, I just need someone to be a better friend to me, too.

  • Governor

    Nice read. I’d certainly do better

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